In This Edition Of The Soulful Lens at Work: ​
​
This week we’re talking about the things no one will tell you. You might hate it at first, and then it will work.

• SOULFUL: Tone matters - we get specific on intonation. Taking ownership matters too. Passivity means “passed over.”
• PRACTICAL: Frame the context - be clear on trade-offs, make a recommendation and then be done with it.
• THE CONNECTION: Structure so people can follow you; don’t meander.
• TRY THIS: Apply these tips and record yourself.

Hi Reader,

You may not even realize it and no one will tell you this; if your communication seems whiny or unclear it’s costing you money and you’re losing opportunities. So today we’re going to fix that. We’ll fix it in the 5 minutes it takes you to read this.

I hear it all the time someone says “I don’t think this is the right thing to do.” But sometimes it sounds like whining and sometimes it sounds well-articulated and clear. What’s different?

Today’s we’re going to unpack what makes communication sound like whining and a few simple tweaks to make it strong and resonant.

Why do you care? Because a whiny style sounds weak and doesn’t spark action. By contrast, clear, purpose‑driven communication inspires people to rally behind your ideas.

Let’s take a look at
— Intonation - is your tone contradicting your message?
— Taking ownership - are you casting blame or owning it?
— Framing context - are you teeing it up for clarity?
— Response to questions - are you inviting discussion?

We’ll walk through a simple, three‑step process for transforming every “I don’t think so” into a clear decision. Read on!

​

Soulfully ✨
​- Jardena

Watch your Tone

When someone complains, or whines, it sets a negative tone for others. It broadcasts a sense of hopelessness.

It’s a similar effect when someone doesn’t take ownership and creates a passive criticism. This can be very subtle. Notice the difference between these:
— “It would be better if this were consolidated into one list.” (bad)
— “My preference is to have this all in one list.” (better)
— “I’m going to put this in one list for us so it’s easier to read.” (best)

The first example sucks power out of the group. Even if you are not going to take an action at least take responsibility for it being your preference, rather than a shortcoming of those around you.

Even more importantly, passive complaints take away YOUR power. It makes you look weak and ineffective. Opportunities won’t come your way if you don’t seem like you are willing to own things. These are the things no one will tell you.​
​
Now, I’m going to hit on a touchy topic - Intonation. I know there are cultural, gender-related and generational reasons for various intonation. And I am absolutely not here to say that to be successful you have to speak like an archetype. BUT there are some speech patterns that are scientifically shown to signal distress, and when you signal low-level distress, people tune out.

If you feel that all soulful communication is off-the-cuff, authentic, I would agree. AND soulful communication is aided by good structure and intonation. Authentic doesn’t mean sloppy. Just like playing the piano or any skill, when you practice it and it becomes both flawless AND authentic. What’s not authentic is crushing your listener’s soul through bad communication.
​
I asked ChatGPT what makes makes a whiny intonation so hard to listen to. Here’s what it said:
​Upward inflection on statements

• Instead of the falling pitch we expect at the end of a declarative sentence (“This is the right thing to do↓”), whining often ends with a rising pitch (“I don’t think this will work↑”).
• That rising contour makes every statement sound like a question or complaint, which feels tentative or needy.

Exaggerated pitch range

• Whining voices tend to sit higher in the vocal register and use more extreme pitch swings—short bursts of high notes followed by low ones.
• Our ears are drawn to those extremes and interpret them as emotional distress or alarm, which becomes fatiguing over time.

Elongated, breathy delivery

• Drawling out key words (“I juuuust don’t knooow…”) and adding extra breathiness gives the impression of reluctance or helplessness.
• That breathiness clashes with clear, confident speech patterns and makes the speaker sound insecure.

Irregular rhythm and pacing

• Whining often features uneven pauses—long hesitations before a word, then a rush through the next phrase.
• This stop‑start quality disrupts the listener’s own rhythm and makes the message feel disjointed.

OMG sometimes I love you ChatGPT! So there you have it. Is any of your intonation like the above? If so, retrain yourself. I find it helpful to channel the energy of someone whose communication style works well in the situation I’m in. Record yourself, and then simply imitate a clip of someone who speaks clear and directly.

Frame the Context

You can’t bend everyone to your will. (Or at least I can’t.) What you can do is articulate the decision at hand so clearly that no one walks away confused. Here’s my three‑step framework:

1. Show the Gap
   • Define the current state vs. the desired state in concrete terms.
   • Use data or a brief anecdote to illustrate what’s missing.
2. Make a Recommendation
   • State your preferred course of action confidently and succinctly.
   • Anchor it in the impact: “I recommend we X so that we can Y.”
3. Lay Out Options & Trade‑Offs
   • Present at least two viable paths forward.
   • For each, list the upside, downside, and key metrics (time, cost, risk).

No one has to agree with your recommendation—but everyone should understand the implications of their choice.

With the three‑step approach, the trade‑offs are laid bare, shifting the conversation from heated opinions to fact‑based evaluation:

• Clarity over conflict. Everyone sees the gap and the options.
• Focus over frustration. Discussion hones in on the factors that truly matter in your context.
• Decision over deadlock. You pinpoint exactly where people disagree—and whether it’s a deal‑breaker.

Once you have made your points, you’re done. If people don’t agree, you have only three choices. Find new information, get on board or leave.

1. Find new information: if you’re not ready to give up, then you have to have new information, new angle or new allies. When people re-tread the same argument with the same audience, it veers squarely into whining territory.
2. Get on board: If you’ve been heard, and the decision is not made per your recommendation, the worst next move for your career is sour grapes. Again, that’s whining.
3. Leave: If you are ethically opposed and you have made your case, perhaps you consider leaving. A clean exit is better than sullying your reputation by being a part of it or becoming a complainer.

Whether you’re advising clients or collaborating with your team, this structure makes you invaluable—and propels decisions forward every time. It cuts through the mess like “a hot knife through butter.” (see past newsletter on this here)​

Ownership with Structure

Speaking confidently is easier within a structure.

Listening is easier within a structure.

Use our suggested structure, or find your own. I used to work with a man who always led with “I have three things to say…” He held up 3 fingers and then each one as he spoke. He was very easy to follow.
​

Why it works:

• Preview: Sets context & expectations; primes your listeners’ attention.
• Deliver: Walk them through your points in logical order—gap, recommendation, trade‑offs.
• Recap: Reinforces key takeaways so nothing slips through the cracks.

Quick Tip: Use verbal signposts—phrases like “First…,” “Next…,” and “In summary…”—to guide your audience along your roadmap. Those little markers not only keep you on track but also make it effortless for others to follow and remember your message.

When you couple a coherent structure with a clear tone, you can really deliver a powerful message.
​
Here are some things to think about regarding tone and stance.

• Are you leaving space for mental processing?​
  Slow is better here. Give people a chance to process before moving to the next point.
• Are you leaving space for questions?
  ​Don’t be afraid of silence. Say “I’m going to pause for a moment” so you don’t lose the floor.
• Is your tone consistent with your message?
  ​If you sound distressed, people will not be inspired to take action. I hear so many people present problems in a tone that sounds like the sky is falling. It doesn’t light people up.

When you have a strong structure and tone people feel held (soulful) and it’s easy to move into action (practical).

Try this:

1. Pick Your Line​
   Choose a simple, work‑related statement you’ll likely use today—e.g., “I don’t think this timeline will work.”
   ​
2. Before: Record and Listen:
   • Version A (Whiny Style): Read the sentence with upward inflections on statements, breathy tone, and uneven pacing. Don’t use any prescribed structure.
3. Apply the Three‑Step Framework
   • Preview (Show the Gap): “Right now, we’re on track to finish in six weeks, but our goal is four.”
   • Recommendation (Make Your Call): “I recommend reallocating Resources A and B to accelerate the timeline.”
   • Trade‑Offs (Options & Implications): “We could shift B, which adds two more hours of work per week (faster but higher cost), or bring in C at a 10% premium (more expensive but offloads our team).”
4. Signpost Your Structure​
   Precede each part with a verbal cue:
   • “First…”
   • “Next…”
   • “Finally…”
5. After Record & Listen
   • Version B (Structured & Strong): Use falling intonation on your recommendations, steady pacing, and clear signposts.
6. Compare & Calibrate
   • Notice how Version A sounds tentative or unresolved.
   • In Version B, pay attention to how the falling pitch on “I recommend…” and the “First/Next/Finally” cues make your message feel decisive and easy to follow.
7. Iterate in Real Time​
   Next time you speak up in a meeting, mentally cue yourself: “First… Next… Finally…” and consciously land each point with a slight downward pitch. See how much more engaged—and aligned—your listeners become!

Give it one try today, and you’ll feel the difference immediately.

This is one of my favorites from Sally Elatta. I love it because it reminds me that what we nurture - our focus, our energy, our mindset - is what shapes our outcomes.

I’m starting a post weekly over on Substack, sharing insights, tips, and reflections to help you lead with impact and make real shifts in your career. If you’re on Substack, follow along to get each update straight to your inbox - let’s keep the conversation going.